“I love how he always pretends he doesn’t know our photo is being taken.” “I love how she always looks like a goof in pictures.” “I love how he won’t smile for my camera.” “I love when she takes out her camera to take my picture.” They’re completely the opposite yet so similar. That’s love.
She was perfect. Everyone looked up to her and I can’t describe as anything less than that. Perfect.
But she was always alone. She spent her birthdays at home, pretending she was in a faraway paradise to celebrate. The truth was, no one dared come near her. Everyone thought she was too far to reach.
Gabriella was only four. She was a good kid, the kind who wiped her plate clean and never left any veggies for her mommy to see.
She liked to eat cupcakes, but only licked the icing off and left the cake on the plate. She was going to grow up to be a ballerina someday.
“I’m working on a film.” I said.
“Really? On what?” she asked.
“Just about two girls.” I was tinkering with my laptop, adding music, then taking out, choosing another song, and putting that in.
“Is it about us?” she teased.
I smiled but didn’t give an answer. She would have to wait until opening day.
He took my hand and knew that something was wrong. But he didn’t ask me. We made our way to our usual spot. We started to eat in silence.
Then he took out our thermos of tea and poured some for me. “Won lom’ o’ tew?” he asked in a ridiculous British accent.
I laughed.
Every single day you wake up, there is that hope. That everything will be so much better than yesterday.
But each night you come home, with slumped shoulders, and this terrible, terrible feeling that no, everything just goes back to your failure. And you’ve learned to live with it.
How can it possibly be better?
Things would change, I knew that. Ever since we came home from the hospital, the way he looked at me was different. Not that he stopped loving me, because he did more than ever. But it wasn’t the same. And every morning I wake up wishing things would go back to the way they were.
“What are we doing today?” I asked. It was our first trip together. I wanted everything to be perfect.
“I don’t know.” he said. He didn’t even look away from the TV. He’d been on bed the moment we arrived.
I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be how I pictured it to be.
